Tagged: “Anger”
Dr. Viktor Frankl says that we can find meaning in our suffering. I think that is really insensitive to those who are oppressed. It is insensitive to say to the oppressed: “Oh, you are a victim of racism. Rise above it by finding meaning.” What do you think?
Dr. Frankl never meant to imply that we should seek to be oppressed (or ignore the oppression) so that we can find meaning in our suffering. You seem to be dichotomizing finding meaning and seeking justice, as if we can do only one or the other. We must remember that Dr. Frankl was in concentration camps during World War II. He certainly did not imply that this was good for him so that he could find meaning in his suffering. Instead, we need to right the wrongs of injustice by practicing the moral virtue of justice and, as the same time, find meaning in our suffering. These two (seeking justice and finding meaning in suffering) are teammates, not opponents.
Editor’s Note: Viktor Emil Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, author, and Holocaust survivor. He was the founder of logotherapy, a school of psychotherapy which describes a search for a life meaning as the central human motivational force. Dr. Frankl published 39 books including his best-selling autobiographical Man’s Search for Meaning, based on his experiences in various Nazi concentration camps.
You say that suffering makes us stronger. I say, when it comes to children, that what they need is to be safe from abuse, not to become stronger. What do you think?
I do not imply that we should seek suffering for the purpose of becoming stronger. Instead, my point is this: When we are treated unjustly and as we suffer, we often mature as persons. For example, we become more sensitive to the suffering in others. Now here is the important distinction between what I just said and what I think you are saying: Even adults, when they are abused and suffer, need to find a place of safety. To become strong does not negate the necessity of doing all one can to be safe. So, both adults and children need to be kept safe as they suffer. Both, also, may grow stronger as they suffer. To be safe and to grow stronger can occur together.
If I go through the forgiveness process one time only, do you think my anger could diminish so much that I will not have to repeat the forgiveness process?
There are no definitive psychological rules about this. If you take the time to deeply go through the forgiveness process once, then you may experience a return to a manageable level of anger without having to go through the forgiveness process again. Please keep in mind that anger in smaller doses can remain in a person’s heart after that person forgives. So, please do not expect perfection with regard to the emotion of anger. As long as you are in control of the anger, rather than the anger controlling you, this is a very positive accomplishment.
You talk about having to wait to experience emotional relief when forgiving. What do you mean by waiting and how long does one wait?
When I use the word “wait” I mean that you are not in complete control of your emotions. For example, if you are very angry at someone, you cannot just turn on a switch in your brain and then all of a sudden there is no more anger. Because of this, we have to be patient as our emotions gradually change from anger or sadness or disappointment to more neutral and then possibly to more positive emotions. There is no precise timeline for this. You will know that the transformation is working by introspecting and seeing small changes in your anger or sadness. As you see these small changes emerging, you can keep doing the work of forgiving and then you likely will experience larger and more positive changes in your emotions toward the one who harmed you.
I heard that you recently published a study with your colleagues in which you helped men in prison learn to forgive. What did you find and why did you focus on prisoners who, it seems to me, need to ask us for forgiveness because of what they did?
Rehabilitation in correctional institutions tends to focus on changing the behavior which led to the sentencing in the first place. Yet, our research found that about 90% of 103 men whom we surveyed had considerable injustices against them when they were children or adolescents. One gentleman was thrown out of his home by his mother when he was 10 years old. He slept under cars at night as his bed. So often, this kind of cruelty against children can lead to a welling up of hatred and this can lead to crime, arrest, and imprisonment. Forgiveness Therapy allowed the men to forgive those who abused them which led to a statistically significant decrease in clinical levels of anger, anxiety, and depression to normal or near normal levels. They also developed more empathy toward people in general. Those in the control group, without Forgiveness Therapy, did not show this kind of improvement in their mental health, but when they then were given Forgiveness Therapy, they, too, showed similar improvement compared with the original experimental group. Here is the reference to that research:
Yu, L., Gambaro, M., Song, J., Teslik, M., Song, M., Komoski, M.C., Wollner, B., & Enright, R.D. (2021). Forgiveness therapy in a maximum-security correctional institution: A randomized clinical trial. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy.
