Tagged: “break free from the past”
If teachers of elementary school children teach forgiveness education and then the child goes home to parents who discourage forgiveness, what is your opinion of the effectiveness of the school-based instruction?
It is difficult to know the answer to this because each situation will be different. Yet, it seems to me that if forgiveness education is consistent across years in school, the student will have a chance to understand accurately what forgiveness is and is not. The children then have the opportunity to choose forgiveness for themselves as they see the norm in school that forgiveness is worthwhile.
Do you think that forgiveness is something that should be taught formally in schools?
What is the purpose of education? Isn’t it to prepare children for adulthood? We prepare children to read. We prepare children to balance a checkbook. Why do we not prepare them for the injustices that likely will visit each child in adulthood? Yes, I do think we need forgiveness education in schools so that, when the students grow into adulthood and experience cruelty, sometimes unexpected and deep cruelty, we will have equipped them with how to recover from that through forgiveness, if the person now chooses forgiveness as a free will decision. Further, it would be important to teach the teamwork of forgiving and justice-seeking so that the child does not equate forgiving with giving in to the other’s unfairness.
How do you correct a child who equates forgiveness with revenge? I sometimes hear my son saying to his friend that they can be buddies again only if he can hit him back.
I think you need to first ask your son this: If you hit your friend, do you think he will feel pain? Then you need to ask this: “What is forgiveness? Is it gentle?” Try to get your son to see the large difference between causing pain and giving tenderness and love. Once your child sees this difference, he likely will abandon the idea that hitting is equated with forgiving.
I am beginning to realize that a huge obligation of anyone who writes about forgiveness or who is a mental health professional aiding people’s forgiveness is this: The writer or helper must take the time to deeply understand what forgiveness is and is not in its true sense, in its essence. This takes time, study, and reading works that show maturity and accuracy. I now am a bit discouraged because I do not see this happening nearly to the extent that it should be happening. What do you think?
I agree with you that scholars and practitioners have the “huge obligation” of taking the time to very deeply know what forgiveness is in its fullness, in its essence. I agree that there should be more time devoted to examining the “works that show maturity and accuracy” without reductionism or the search for continual innovation, which is so rewarded in academia. If a person comes up with a new twist on forgiveness (or any other variable) this is often seen as an innovation or an advance, when too often it splits the construct, reduces the construct, and therefore distorts the construct. For example, talking of “emotional forgiveness” as if this is a kind of forgiveness is confusing “kind” and “component,” a very large difference. Emotions are a component of forgiveness, that includes much more than this. Emotions by themselves are not a “kind” of forgiveness. If that were the case, then motivations, cognitions, and actions could be deleted and you still have forgiveness. Does this sound accurate to you when your goal is to understand the essence, the whole picture of what forgiveness is?
From your recent posts here, it seems that there are many misunderstandings about what forgiving is. Why do you think there are so many misunderstandings out there?
I agree that there are many misunderstandings of forgiveness in the general public, in mental health professionals who are trying to help people to heal, and in scholars who publish articles on forgiveness. I think this is the case because most people, including mental health professionals and scholars, have never examined the term forgiveness from a philosophical perspective. This often results in a failure of understanding what Aristotle called “the specific difference” between forgiveness and other related ideas such as “just moving on” or reconciling or even just engaging in a few psychological techniques such as writing a letter that is not sent to the offending person. Forgiveness as a moral virtue takes time and practice. It includes thinking in new ways about the offending person, waiting for softer emotions to emerge, and deciding whether or not to reconcile. So often people miss some or even all of these important points, thus distorting what forgiving actually is.
