Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
Someone in my life claims that I harbor unwarranted animosity toward him. He claims I fabricated stories about him at some point in our relationship and that he always acts in my best interests. This is just not true. How can I know for sure that my view is correct? Needless to say, I am angry about this.
If you have an issue with distorting reality, it likely will show up with other people and situations. Do other people tell you something similar to this one person? If not, then this issue is centered on one relationship and one person. When you carefully examine the accusations against you, can you truly say that the person’s views are “unwarranted,” and why do you say this? If you can, in good conscience, conclude that you are not fabricating stories, then you can stand firm in the truth. Forgiving the person who is accusing you, if you are ready, may help you reduce your anger.
What is the etymology of the word forgiveness? What are some ancient examples of person-to-person forgiveness?
In Hebrew, the word salah means that offenses are wiped away from sight (God’s forgiveness of sin). The oldest preserved accounts of forgiveness are within the Hebrew scriptures. An example is in Genesis 37-45 (Joseph unconditionally forgives his half-brothers).
In Christianity, within the New Testament, two Koine Greek words appear in the context of person-to-person forgiveness. One is aphiemi (to forgive; a quality relationship is restored between God and the formerly sinful person). Another is agape (love; creative, forgiving love). An example of person-to-person forgiveness is the prodigal son in Luke 15: 11-32.
In my experience, I find it a lot harder to forgive my family members than those who are not part of my family. Am I expecting too much from family?
Your experience is typical. Many people find it harder to forgive their loved ones because those are the people who should “have our back” and be kind and respectful to us. When that breaks down, the hurt can be deeper than when we are hurt by people outside the family, such as co-workers or neighbors.
Convince me that forgiveness is for others rather than the self, the forgiver.
Because forgiveness is a moral virtue, it centers on our trying to be good to others, not just the self. When we exercise justice, for example, we do not do so only for ourselves. If we “forgive” exclusively for ourselves, then we are not actually engaging in true forgiveness. Instead, we are engaging in a self-help strategy that may have little to do with the moral virtues.
Once again, thank you for your follow-up answer about self-forgiveness. You did not address one issue in my more recent question: How can we be our own judge and jury when we self-forgive?
We do not become our own judge and jury when we self-forgive because self-forgiveness does not take place in a court of law. Instead, we do have a conscience, which allows us to discern right from wrong. Our well-formed conscience can help us discern when we have done wrong. Feelings of guilt can accompany this awakening of the conscience, motivating us to self-forgive, right the wrong, and seek forgiveness from others who were hurt by our actions.
