Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”

Might relaxation training work as well as forgiveness when we are angry with other people?

Relaxation training is good for reducing anger and stress, but it focuses mostly on the anger and stress as symptoms.  Relaxation, at least temporarily as you practice it, can reduce that anger and stress.  Yet, once you are no longer relaxing, the anger and stress can build up again.  Forgiveness, in contrast, does not focus on symptoms but instead focuses on the causes of the anger and stress, which, in the context of forgiveness, is a person and the person’s unjust actions.  Forgiving can cure the anger rather than address it temporarily.

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Can anger be healthy at times?

We can make a distinction between healthy and unhealthy anger.  When we are first treated unjustly by others, there is a tendency to feel angry, which is a sign of self-respect (people should not be treating you this way) and a sign that you uphold moral standards of right and wrong.  In contrast, unhealthy anger is the kind that takes up residence in the human heart, festers, grows more intense, and literally can last for years.  This is unhealthy because it can lead to fatigue, discouragement, and mistrust for other relationships.

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My friend was treated unjustly, but she is not open to the idea of forgiveness when I suggest it to her.  What would you suggest?

I would start by gently asking your friend what her definition of forgiveness is.  She may have some incorrect assumptions about what it is.  For example, she might think that to forgive is to give into other people’s demands.  If you can assist her in forming a clear understanding of what forgiveness is and is not, then this might help her in making a decision about whether or not forgiveness is right for her at this time.

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I frequently hear the term “student loan forgiveness.”  Is this genuine forgiveness or something else?

It is something else because those who cancel debts have not been morally hurt by the students.  Student loan forgiveness instead is a legal move, not the exercise of being good to those who are not good to the ones who cancel the debt.  Forgiveness, in contrast, is a moral virtue of goodness toward those who have acted unjustly toward the forgiver and not a legal concept.

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