Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
You say forgiveness is a paradox in that gift-giving aids the one who gives the gift. Yet, is there no correction of the other’s misbehavior?
To correct the other’s misbehavior is to engage in the moral virtue of justice. Forgiveness and justice should exist side-by-side. If you are being abused by someone, you can forgive if you choose to do so and you can and should seek fairness so that the other stops the unjust behavior.
Your research tends to show that as people forgive, their own self-esteem rises. Why do you think this happens?
It seems to me that as people bear the pain that others caused them, there is a tendency for the forgivers to realize that they are stronger than they previously had realized. They see that they can endure pain and in that pain, they can be good to others, particularly to those who acted unfairly and even cruelly. This shows the forgivers that they are good people and this can lead to an increase in liking the self. Too often, when people are beaten down by others, the victims begin to believe the lie that they are less than they truly are. Forgiving helps to correct this lie.
It seems to me that this “giving of a gift” to those who hurt me is kind of ridiculous. They deserve correction, not admiration. Can you clarify this for me?
As people forgive, they are engaging in a moral virtue. All moral virtues center on goodness toward others for those other people’s sake. Part of the moral virtue of forgiveness is this gift-giving to the one who acted badly, as you point out. This gift-giving, we find in our research is a paradox in that, as forgivers reach out to the offending person, it is the forgivers who are healed.
As another question that I have about forgiveness therapy, does the amount of time spent in this form of therapy matter? In other words, is longer better?
Yes, longer is better. Baskin and Enright (1994) showed that forgiveness therapy lasting 12 weeks or longer seems more optimal than short-term therapies. Longer therapies as more effective than short-term therapies also was supported by the meta-analysis by Aktar and Barlow. The references to these two journal articles are as follows:
Baskin, T.W., & Enright, R. D. (2004). Intervention studies on forgiveness: A meta-analysis. Journal of Counseling and Development, 82, 79-90.
Akhtar, S. & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, 19, 107-122.
Why do you think forgiving another person actually increases the forgiver’s own self-esteem?
As a forgiver works to see the inherent worth in the one who acted unjustly, the forgiver slowly begins to see his own worth as a person. The paradox is that as the forgiver sees the full humanity of the other, then the forgiver begins to see his own full humanity.
