Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
If I do not reconcile once I have forgiven, does this make the forgiveness process incomplete?
Forgiveness is what you are able to offer, from your own free will, and when you do so, then you have done the best that you can right now. Reconciliation, in contrast, involves at least two or more people coming together again in mutual—-mutual—-trust. If the other person remains unrepentant and continues with hurtful, unjust behavior, you can go in peace knowing that you have forgiven, and so you can go in peace. Your forgiving is complete even if the other refuses to reconcile.
It seems to be dangerous to advocate for forgiveness when a person is being abused in a partnering relationship. Wouldn’t such forgiveness simply encourage the forgiver to stay in the unhealthy relationship?
Actually, no. Forgiving, properly understood, does not include automatic reconciliation. A person can begin to forgive while in the relationship, so that the anger can be reduced, which would be healthy for the forgiver. This person then can ask for justice, and if the severe injustice continues, then the forgiver could consider leaving the toxic relationship.
Can I forgive my cat who clawed up my favorite pillow?
I would urge you to accept what your cat did, but not forgive your cat. Cats, like other mammals, do not have rational faculties as humans do. Cats do not reason out what is right and wrong the way people do. Therefore, we cannot impute ill intent to cats the way we can with people. Forgiveness, then, is for persons and not for cats, dogs, or non-sentient issues such as tornadoes.
Do you think that, as people forgive and see the one who acted unfairly as a genuine human being with weaknesses, there is a tendency to reinterpret that person’s intentions connected to the actions? In other words, the forgiver then does not see the intention as a desire to do bad things?
I think, as people forgive those who had bad intentions, the forgivers still see the intent as bad. The forgiveness response does not change the perception of the other’s intent. Instead, forgiving changes how the forgiver perceives the offending person as someone of inherent worth, despite the bad intent.
Can you recommend a film for me in which a person forgives and yet others near this person are not happy with the decision?
Yes, there is a documentary film entitled Forgiving Dr. Mengele, in which Eva Mozes Kor forgives the Nazis for her being imprisoned in Auschwitz during World War III. Some of the twins who were imprisoned with her thought that her forgiving was not right. One person, for example, in the film refers to Eva’s forgiving as “improper.”
