Tagged: “hurtful event”

What is the appeal of anger that it can become a habit, almost an addiction? Can suppressed or passive anger become like that, too?

August 15, 2019 No comments

I think the appeal is the adrenaline rush, the feeling of being wide awake and in control, the feeling that others will not take advantage of me.  All of this is reasonable if it is within reasonable bounds.  By that I mean that the anger is not controlling you, which can happen as people fly out of control with a temper that then is hard to manage.

A habit of anger, when intense, is hard to break, but it can be done with a strong will, the practice of forgiveness, and an awareness of how the anger-habit has compromised one’s life.  Passive anger can be habit-forming as well and that is a more difficult habit to break if the person is unaware of it.  Insights of unhappiness or of reduced energy can be clues to people that they are harboring passive anger in need of healing.

Forgiving others for injustices that have fostered this kind of anger is an important step in curing the anger.

Learn more at What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness Therapy Provides Quality of Life Benefits to Terminally-Ill Cancer Patients

August 14, 2019 No comments

Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, has been called “the forgiveness trailblazer” by Time magazine and is often introduced as “the father of forgiveness research” because of his 30-year commitment to researching and implementing forgiveness programs. A research article published last week in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine® aptly demonstrates how he earned those titles.

“Forgiveness and Reconciliation Processes in Dying Patients With Cancer”  is an article that was published by the highly-respected palliative care journal on August 5, 2019. It reports on the methodology and results of a research project conducted in a major regional Swiss hospital by a team of 20 oncology and palliative medicine professionals from Switzerland and Austria.

Three interdisciplinary units at the hospital observed 50 dying patients with cancer experiencing severe conflicts with relatives, themselves, and/or with fate/God. Participant observation was combined with descriptive statistical analysis and a semi-structured therapy protocol based on a 5-phase forgiveness and reconciliation model.

After 18 months of working with the cancer patients (22 died during the study), the medical specialists reported these results: “Forgiveness and reconciliation (F/R)  may intensify patient–family relationships and facilitate peace of mind and peaceful death. In 62% of patients, F/R processes occurred repeatedly. Patients indicated that imminent death, a mediating third party, acceptance, and experiences of hope motivated them to seek F/R.”

While those results were hailed as innovative and profound by the researchers and others, they came as no surprise to Dr. Enright. He, in fact, not only implemented forgiveness programs with terminally-ill cancer patients more than 20 years ago, he created an instructor’s manual for those treating such patients back in 2002.

Thanks to a research grant funded by the John Templeton Foundation, Dr. Enright assembled a project team in the mid-1990s that included research associates from UW-Madison, Meriter Health Services, and others that was likely the very first study involving forgiveness interventions with terminally-ill patients.

Dr. Enright’s team provided its conclusions in a report entitled, “A Palliative Care Intervention in Forgiveness Therapy for Elderly Terminally-Ill Cancer Patients.” In addition to outlining that the forgiveness therapy group demonstrated significant improvements on all measures compared to the control group, the team also concluded:

“An important goal of palliative care therapy, improving psychological health at the end of life, appears to have been achieved in this study. Older adults, in the last stage of  life because of terminal cancer, who experience emotional disruption because of perceived injustices, may benefit psychologically from forgiveness therapy.  As part of a comprehensive intervention of palliative care, forgiveness therapy may be effective for improving quality of life at the end of life.”

Following that ground-breaking study, Dr. Enright teamed up with fellow study participant Mary J. Hansen, Ph.D. (Meriter Health Services), to develop The Journey of Forgiveness: An Educational Program for Persons at the End of Life. That intervention manual is designed exclusively for those treating or caring for patients who are near the end of life.  Because of the short life-expectancy of those patients, the manual condenses Dr. Enright’s 20-Step Process Model of forgiving (developed in 1991) into four easy-to-conduct educational sessions.

Since 2002, the end-of-life manual has been distributed to and used by practitioners around the world including those at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. In one of the concluding pages of the manual, Dr. Enright writes:

“Forgiveness can bring you emotional healing. When you truly forgive, you give the gifts of mercy, generosity and ultimately, love. The forgiveness paradox is that as you give the gifts of forgiveness to others, you also receive these gifts.” ♥

Learn more at “Forgiveness for Senior Citizens and Those Nearing End of Life”

 

Can We Get Anti-Bullying Programs to Work?

August 13, 2019 No comments

In an August 13, 2019 essay at mercatornet.com, author Izzy Kalman states that the anti-bullying movement is doomed to failure. This is the case because, in his words: “The goal of the anti-bullying movement is to convince us all to stop bullying or tolerating bullying. Unfortunately, the message falls on deaf ears because hardly anyone believes that they are bullies.”

In other words, those who bully are in denial and so attempts to convince them to change are futile. We are more hopeful of successful attempts at reducing bullying because of our approach, which, as far as we can tell, is unique.

Sometimes some students are so emotionally wounded that their anger overwhelms the attempt at consciousness-raising.  The students are so very wounded that they cannot listen well.  Some are so wounded that they refuse to listen.  Even others are so mortally wounded that they find a certain pleasure in inflicting pain on others.  It is when it gets to that point—others’ pain equals pleasure for the one inflicting it—that we have a stubborn problem on our hands.  No signs, no consciousness-raising, no rally in the gym, no pressure to be good is going to work…..because the gravely wounded student is now beyond listening.

Yet, we have found a hidden way to reverse the trend in those who are so hurting that they derive pain from hurting others.  It is this:  Ask the hurting students, those labeled so often as bullies, to tell their story of pain, their story of how others have abused them.

You will see this as the rule rather than the exception:

Those who inflict pain over and over have stories of abuse toward them that would make you weep.  In fact, we have seen the weeping come from the one who has bullied others, the one who has inflicted serious pain onto others. He wept because, as he put it, “No one ever asked me for my story before.”  His story was one of cruel child abuse from an alcoholic father who bruised him until he bled.  And no one ever asked him about this.  And so he struck out at others.  Once he told his story, he began to forgive his father and his pain lessened and thus his need to inflict pain on others slowly melted away.

This is what our Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program does.  It aids counselors and teachers in bringing out the stories in the pain-inflictors so that their own pain dramatically decreases.  As this happens, through forgiveness, bullying behavior is rendered powerless……because in examining their own hurt they finally realize how much hurt they have inflicted…..and with their own emotional pain gone, they have no desire to live life like this any more.

Come, take our anti-bullying curriculum and save the life of at least one child and help prevent inflicted pain on countless others.

Robert

EDITOR’S NOTE: For a limited time only, the International Forgiveness Institute is offering Dr. Enright’s Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program as a free gift to counselors, schools, and families. Click here to order.

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You say that we should not have excessive or toxic anger. Is some anger ok to have as I forgive? If so, how do I know how much is too much?

August 11, 2019 No comments

The keys to distinguishing healthy and unhealthy anger are these:

1. Are you in control of that anger or is it controlling you (with a strong temper, for example, or making you and others miserable)?  If you are in control, this is good.

2. Has the anger continued for weeks or longer?  If so, it likely is unhealthy anger.

3. Are others giving you feedback that your anger is inappropriate?  If this message comes from a reliable source, then it may be time to reflect on that anger possibly being unhealthy.

Learn more at What is Forgiveness?

What is the difference between “not taking it seriously” and forgiving?

August 9, 2019 No comments

To “not take it seriously” implies neutrality.  When we forgive we never are neutral regarding the person who hurt us.  We are hurt because what happened matters (for fairness) and whom the person is matters (because we share a common humanity).  Thus, forgiveness is linked to: a) expecting fairness; b) having a sense of respect and even love toward the other; and c) self-respect and love.  None of this is neutral and should be taken seriously.  The key in forgiveness is not letting what matters destroy us or the other.

Learn more at Forgiving is not. . .