Tagged: “Dr. Robert Enright”
Perseverance & Forgiveness
Image by B Pixels, Pexels.com
Well……..it looks to be the case that we are persevering. The following essay was posted here in May of 2012, 14 years ago. It centers on our forgiveness education work in Belfast, Northern Ireland. As of this writing, we now have been there with forgiveness education for almost a quarter of a century, ending 24 years of this effort this month, with plans to continue in the future. We started with 6-year-old students in Primary 3 (first grade in the United States) and 8-year-old students in Primary 5 (third grade in the United States). These “wee ones” (as they say there) are now 30 years old and 32 years old, respectively. I wonder: Did they keep what they learned about forgiveness and apply it amid the rigors of adulthood when injustices were visited upon them? If so, was forgiveness helpful for them, for the one(s) who might have hurt them, and for their families, as resentments might have been quelled? I wonder.
So, when you read below that “The IFI has had a presence in Belfast for over 10 years now….,” change that to “The IFI has had a presence in Belfast for almost a quarter of a century now.”
Here is that long-ago essay, still very relevant today:
2002…. That is the year the International Forgiveness Institute began writing forgiveness education curriculum guides for teachers. We started with first grade classrooms in Belfast, Northern Ireland. When we started knocking on principals’ doors to discuss this life-giving project, we were met with skepticism.
“You will not last more than three years,” was what we heard consistently. Three years? Why three in particular?
“Because when people come from foreign lands to help Belfast, those well-meaning people never stay more than three years,” was the retort.
It became apparent that people go to Belfast with high expectations, great enthusiasm, and lots of adrenaline as they embark on their new adventure. Then the reality strikes. By year three the fatigue sets in, the streets of Belfast are all too familiar. It is now work and not adventure. Goodbye, Belfast!
The IFI has had a presence in Belfast for over 10 years now. So far, we have beaten the odds by staying three times longer than expected.
This issue of perseverance and endurance has me thinking. How can one preserve the idea of forgiveness in families, schools, places of worship, and places of employment? That seems easy……for about three years, but what about the next 10 or 20 or even 40 years?
How can forgiveness endure when there are so many diversions in life, so many new and good and novel ways to introduce new curricula to schools or new programs to businesses?
It takes a team and at least one person with an iron-clad will in the short-run. Forgiveness can too easily fade from the scene without this.
How will you preserve forgiveness in your own heart and in your most important relationships? How will you keep it from drifting out to sea, almost unnoticed as it fades? The first step is to realize that this can happen….and then not let it happen.
Essays on Forgiveness at the Psychology Today Website
Dr. Robert Enright
So far, in 2026, Dr. Enright has the following essays posted on the Psychology Today website:
How to Stop Blaming Yourself When Your Partner Is Abusive, May 5, 2026
The Emotions Behind Forgiveness, April 22, 2026
Do You Really Think You Know What Forgiveness Is?, March 24, 2026
Protecting Yourself if You Want to Forgive, February 19, 2026
Once Broken, How Can Trust Be Restored in a Relationship?, January 19, 2026
Recent Journal Publications with Authors from Our International Forgiveness Institute, Inc.
Jichan Kim, Associate Professor of Psychology at Liberty University. (Photo by KJ Jugar)
Kim, J. & Enright, R.D. (in press). Clarifying the virtue of forgiveness in restorative justice: A commentary on Palazzolo. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology
Li, Y., Kim, J., Song, J., & Enright, R.D. (in press). Validating the Enright Forgiveness Motivation Inventory (EFMI). Current Psychology
The Enright Forgiveness Motivation Inventory (EFMI) now is available to request on our website here:
https://internationalforgiveness.com/product/the-enright-forgiveness-motivation-inventory/
Anger is a normal reaction to injustice, right? Do we repress some anger when we forgive?
Anger does seem to be a natural part of reacting to injustice. We need to remember that anger can be felt and expressed along a continuum. If the anger is short-lived and not extremely intense, then it can be useful in energizing a person who then strives to correct the injustice. When anger becomes extreme, both in its duration and intensity, forgiveness can be an effective way to control it. Forgiveness exercised in the right way (by not denying the injustice and not denying the angry reaction) can actually reduce the anger. When this happens, the anger is not repressed but instead is diminished.
It appears that my mother has a lot of guilt. Now she constantly asks me to forgive her for the way she raised me as a child. Actually, this is not a huge concern for me because she did well as my mom. So, even though I don’t believe she did anything wrong, should I tell her that I forgive her?
Your mother seems to need your reassurance that you love her and that she is a good person. Her standards for herself are higher than yours in judging her parenting skills. If it were me, I would say something like this: “When people forgive others, they see the others as worthwhile and of great value. Mom, you are of great worth and of infinite value to me. When people forgive others, they love them. Mom, I love you without condition. Now that I have shown the attributes of forgiveness to you, may I make a suggestion? I think you should forgive yourself for anything you think you might have done that still makes you feel guilty. I want you to have peace regarding how you raised me. I think you did a wonderful job of that.”
