Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
I kind of like the idea of forgiveness, but I am a bit ambivalent about it. Can you provide some written material for me so that I can make a more informed decision?
Here is a link to an essay I posted on the Psychology Today website regarding this issue of deciding if you are ready to forgive:
I heard that you did a study of forgiveness for people in hospice, but I cannot locate the reference. Would you please provide that for me? Thank you in advance.
Yes, here is that reference:
Hansen, M.J., Enright. R.D., Baskin, T.W., & Klatt, J. (2009). A palliative care intervention in forgiveness therapy for elderly terminally-ill cancer patients. Journal of Palliative Care, 25, 51-60.
If I no longer feel rage at the one who hurt me, does this mean I have forgiven?
Forgiveness concerns the willingness to give mercy to the one who was unfair. Your emotions play a part, but they are not the entire essence of forgiveness. In other words, some people reduce their anger by saying, “Well, this person is not worth the effort.” Dismissing another person might lessen anger, at least temporarily, but I have found it rarely solves deep, abiding anger. Forgiveness likely would be more effective for you in the long run.
I have to forgive two people. One is at my place of employment, and the other is a family member. My anger and discontent are rather high toward the person at work. My negative emotions are far less toward the family member. Who should come first in my forgiveness process?
I recommend that you start with the family member because it usually is the case that it is easier to forgive someone toward whom you are not fuming with anger. After you forgive this person, then you will have had more practice in forgiveness, which might help you in forgiving the person at work toward whom you have considerable anger.
I am in a rather caustic group, with lots of criticism leveled against others outside the group. It is beginning to wear on me, and I am thinking of leaving the group. What do you think: would it be better for me to stay and try to help them bring down their level of criticism toward others, or should I leave?
You show both courage and altruism in asking this question. I say this because your intent in staying is to help members of the group, rather than staying for your own benefit. Yes, it may be a morally good response to stay in the group, at least for a while, to see if you can temper their discontent. Yet, please monitor your own emotions so that you do not overdo the staying. A key factor is this: are the group members ready to change? If so, what is your evidence? Do you think they will be ready for this positive change in the future? Your answers to these questions might help you discern whether a genuine reconciliation between the group and you is possible. Yes, try to help them, but at the same time, monitor your emotions so that you are protected from the ongoing criticism you describe in your question.
