Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
Can anger be healthy at times?
We can make a distinction between healthy and unhealthy anger. When we are first treated unjustly by others, there is a tendency to feel angry, which is a sign of self-respect (people should not be treating you this way) and a sign that you uphold moral standards of right and wrong. In contrast, unhealthy anger is the kind that takes up residence in the human heart, festers, grows more intense, and literally can last for years. This is unhealthy because it can lead to fatigue, discouragement, and mistrust for other relationships.
My friend was treated unjustly, but she is not open to the idea of forgiveness when I suggest it to her. What would you suggest?
I would start by gently asking your friend what her definition of forgiveness is. She may have some incorrect assumptions about what it is. For example, she might think that to forgive is to give into other people’s demands. If you can assist her in forming a clear understanding of what forgiveness is and is not, then this might help her in making a decision about whether or not forgiveness is right for her at this time.
I frequently hear the term “student loan forgiveness.” Is this genuine forgiveness or something else?
It is something else because those who cancel debts have not been morally hurt by the students. Student loan forgiveness instead is a legal move, not the exercise of being good to those who are not good to the ones who cancel the debt. Forgiveness, in contrast, is a moral virtue of goodness toward those who have acted unjustly toward the forgiver and not a legal concept.
Please help me get organized with my forgiving. I have to forgive my father, my sister, my current boss, and even some kids who bullied me when I was a teenager. Where do I begin?
In my book, The Forgiving Life, I discuss The Forgiveness Landscape. I ask people to make an inventory of all people, across the forgiver’s life, who have hurt the forgiver. Then the forgiver rates the degree of current hurt and anger toward each of these persons on a 1 to 10 scale. The forgiver then places the people in order from the ones who have given the least hurt and produced the least amount of anger (in the forgiver) all the way up to the one who makes the forgiver the most hurt and angry at the present time. Start at the bottom and forgive people there because they likely are easier to forgive. As you build your forgiveness muscles, as you move up the hierarchy of anger and hurt, you then are more ready to forgive those who have given you the biggest hurts and the deepest anger.
One more request about the reliability and validity of one of your forgiveness scales. Can you recommend one article that addresses the psychometric properties of your self-forgiveness inventory?
Yes, and here is that reference:
Kim, J., Volk, F., & Enright, R.D. (2021). Validating the Enright Self-Forgiveness Inventory (ESFI). Current Psychology
