Tagged: “forgiveness is a choice”

I understand there is forgiveness work done in Kosovo. If so, would you please let me know. I would like to get involved with that.

In September of 2014, I was invited and attended a meeting at the United Nations Population Fund in New York City. The goal of that meeting was to discuss and possibly begin forgiveness intervention work in Kosovo. This never materialized, much to my disappointment. Yet, if you are inspired to pick up that work, I would delight in working with you on this. We have resources on forgiveness education that can be translated into different languages and brought into families, schools, and houses of worship.

Can your Forgiveness Education materials be modified for secular universities, which are looking at racial injustice, white supremacy, social justice?

Our Forgiveness Education programs are built for ages 4 through age 18. For university settings, I would recommend the following:

The video, The Power of Forgiveness, as a way to get people discussing forgiveness in the context of societal challenges.

Then you might consider small groups that read and discuss any of the following of my self-help forgiveness books:

Forgiveness Is a Choice (2001)

The Forgiving Life (2012). This is my most in-depth self-help book because it links forgiving to the moral virtue of agape love. This book is a Socratic dialogue between two women.

8 Keys to Forgiveness (2015)

Please keep in mind that some who advocate for social justice misunderstand the importance and beauty of forgiveness, thinking it is a way of caving in to injustice. This is not what forgiveness is. Yet, if a person misunderstands forgiveness in this way, it may lead to a rejection of forgiveness because of this misunderstanding of its true meaning.

What is one concrete step I can take to begin forgiving another who has hurt me?

Try to commit, as you read this, to do no harm to the other. This includes talking with bitterness about the other, deliberately ignoring, or thinking about taking revenge.

I would like to know and learn more about forgiveness. What self help books and resources can you suggest? I have been on my own forgiveness journey for a while now. The biggest challenge has been learning how to forgive my husband fully for hurting me and my family.

I would recommend any one of these 3 self-help books, which describe our Process Model of Forgiveness, which has been scientifically-tested and found to be effective:

Forgiveness Is a Choice (2001)

The Forgiving Life (2012). This is my most in-depth self-help book because it links forgiving to the moral virtue of agape love. This book is a Socratic dialogue between two women.

8 Keys to Forgiveness (2015)

I wish you the best on your healing journey.

If someone has frustrated and offended me and I choose silence because I am afraid to choose dialogue and confront him, is this actually forgiveness on my part? Is it true forgiveness? 

First, do you commit to doing no harm to the other? If yes, this is the beginning of forgiving.  Do you see the inherent worth in the other, not because of what was done, but in spite of that?  This, too, is part of forgiving.  Do you wish the other well?  This is part of forgiving as the late Lewis Smedes reminded us in his book, Forgive and Forget.  The silence itself is not necessarily forgiving. Why?  I can be silent with hatred in my heart.  To forgive is to have a change of heart toward the offending person (as the philosopher Joanna North said in the book, Exploring Forgiveness, 1998).