Tagged: “forgiveness”
My friend is unrepentant for betraying me. I now am worried that if I forgive, might this inadvertently justify her behavior in her own mind?
Your forgiving need not “inadvertently justify her behavior” because, as you forgive, you can ask fairness of her. Forgiveness and justice can exist side-by-side. Therefore, forgive, then gently discuss the betrayal and your hurt from it, with encouragement for her to see this and repent.
Thank you for your answer about my partner, who blames me for being 15 minutes late after work. If, as you say, she is accusing me of something that is not a wrongdoing, do I have the right to forgive her? I ask because she simply is not thinking deeply enough about the situation, and so she is not engaging in deliberate wrong.
A person’s intention is not the sole criterion for you deciding whether or not a wrongdoing has occurred. Your partner is not intentionally doing anything wrong, but her actions can be considered unjust because she is not taking the time to explore in depth your situation with the boss. If you are annoyed by this and if it is affecting your relationship, then you can go ahead and forgive. At the same time, you can work on the issue of fairness and gently help her to see that your situation is not a wrongdoing because you need to be obedient to the boss, and your family benefits because you are employed and have a good relationship with the boss.
Dr. Enright’s Psychology Today Post for June 2026 Gets Essential Read Status
Dr. Robert Enright
An Examination of Forgiveness in the Context of Armed Conflict
Image by Noor Aldin Alwan, Pexels.com
The journal article below examined 30 manuscripts comprising 35 individual studies, published between 2000 and 2024, focused on forgiveness during times of armed conflict. The results were not surprising. In the article’s abstract, the authors concluded: “Facilitating factors [for forgiveness] included acknowledgment of harm, apologies, justice measures, religious and cultural beliefs, and guarantees of non-repetition. Conversely, lack of trust, empathy, and the severity of offenses reduced willingness to forgive.”
In other words, forgiveness seemed to follow the reduction or elimination of the conflict as justice (not forgiveness) was beginning to prevail. As the quotation above makes clear, if trust and empathy are not present and there is severity in the offenses, then a willingness to forgive is less likely.
Turizo-Palencia, Y., Avila Paternina, K. A., De La Hoz Maldonado, A., & Núñez Menco, S. S. (2026). Willingness to forgive in contexts of armed conflict: A systematic review. Acta psychologica, 266, 106764. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.actpsy.2026.106764
A critical issue that did not emerge in the article is this: How can forgiveness start before the quelling of the conflict, before the guarantee of non-repetition, before trust is restored? Forgiveness should not be considered only as a consequence of justice received, but instead as a possible catalyst for changing the situation from unjust to more just or even completely just.
Regarding my earlier question, what if the “forgiver” is denying reality and keeps insisting that the other person did wrong when no wrong was done? Here is an example: my partner keeps blaming me for being a little late coming home after work, even if it is, say, 15 minutes. She wants me to help with the kids. Yet when I am late, I am not doing any injustice because my boss insists that I stay a little later at work. She keeps insisting that she needs to forgive me. In this case, is it her call or does she need correction?
You raise a good point. You are not deliberately engaging in moral wrong because you are being obedient to the boss. In such a case, even if your partner wants to forgive and it is her choice, encourage her to explore the issue deeply and subtly. As she takes this challenge seriously, she may eventually realize that you are not deliberately doing wrong and that no forgiveness is necessary in this case.
