How can parents help children to forgive their divorce when the parents say different things about why they divorced?
I think the key is for the parents first to realize that the children are now vulnerable because of the divorce and because of what led to the divorce. With that in mind, the parents need to be careful in not letting their own anger at their former spouse lead to a competition for the children’s affection. In other words, each spouse needs to be careful not to paint a very negative picture of the other to the children. After all, both still are parents to the children and so the divorced adults need to preserve the personhood of the other spouse to the children. This is not easy especially when deep resentment is present. Therefore, it may be best if the spouses first forgive each other and then be aware that the children should not become victims of resentment by the parents disparaging the other spouse to the children. When ready, the custodial parent might consider helping the children to forgive by first apologizing to the children for this family challenge of divorce.
