Although I value and try to forgive and mean well to those who harm me, I feel like that alone does not fix my wrecked inner world (lost trust, cynicism, depression). I can try my best to mean well, but that does not mean anyone else will. Does this mean I need more than forgiveness to heal?
You show insight in saying that forgiveness alone will not heal all of the lost trust, cynicism, and even psychological depression. This is the case because forgiveness does not necessarily alter the quality of your relationships. Forgiveness makes possible a change in relationships because you are offering the hand of peace, offering a second chance to those who acted unfairly. Yet, some people will continue to act badly toward us. So, we may have an unsatisfying relationship that damages trust toward that person or increases cynicism toward that person. This is a problem of a failure to reconcile and if this is the case for you, then you might ask the person to correct the unfairness. The person may not comply. In such a case, please note that in your forgiving, you have done the best that you can. Also, please keep in mind that you now, in forgiving, have a way of reducing excessive anger toward particular people which can be a protection in future relationships. In other words, you need not generalize the mistrust to all people. Some may accept your kindness and even if they do not, you can be free of toxic anger even if disappointment or sadness or even cynicism toward a particular person remains.
Categories: Ask Dr. Forgiveness
Please follow and like us: