As we know, it is common for parents to ask a misbehaving child to “say you are sorry” to the other child.  He, the offended one, then is expected to say, “I forgive you.”  For minor infractions, do you think this is sufficient, or should parents do more?

Even for minor infractions, it is best to ask the offended child if he is ready to forgive.  Let the forgiveness come from the child so that he is drawn to forgiveness rather than feeling pressured into it.  If the child needs some time, that is all right.  The key is to help children know that they have agency with regard to their willingness and ability to forgive when hurt by others.  Even with regard to the offending child, a command to “say you are sorry” may have to await a cooling down period so that this child, too, is drawn to seeking forgiveness rather than feeling pressured into it.

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