When someone is obviously mentally ill, and she gossips about you to the family, what advice would you give to the one who is the recipient of the gossip? My nephews have been informed by a relative who lives in a different state that I suffer from compulsive gambling. I’ve never been a gambler. Do I extend forgiveness? Given the mental instability, I wonder if I should “just let it go” rather than forgive.

Yes, I believe it is appropriate to forgive as the result is hurtful regardless of whether the aim was intentional or not. It should be easier to forgive if you are aware that the individual has a mental illness—I won’t speculate as to what it might be. Remember that there is still some degree of free will present, even in cases when a personality disorder of some sort is involved. Put another way, most people with mental disorders still have free will and, therefore, a range of ways to express themselves. This relative has picked you for condemnation. That is forgivable.

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