My partner and I have been in somewhat rocky relationship. We have forgiven each other, but how do we know if we have deeply and truly forgiven so that we can move on well?
I would recommend the following four points as you discern whether or not you have forgiven well:
- First of all, please realize that as we forgive, not all anger or sadness is completely eliminated. You may have some residual negative feelings and that is normal.
- Second, after we forgive, we may have to forgive again because of point 1 above (not all negative affect is eliminated upon forgiving).
- Do you see your partner as a true human being? In other words, do you see that there is more to your partner than past offenses?
- Do you wish your partner well? Do you wish your relationship well? These are added themes, showing you that you have forgiven well, even if there is residual anger.
- Have you worked on reconciliation, which includes trust? Trust sometimes is earned a little at a time when there has been a serious betrayal. As the other begins to show fairness in a consistent way, trust can build, improving the relationship. Please keep in mind that forgiveness and reconciliation are distinct concepts. Forgiveness helps solidify reconciliation, allowing people to come together again in mutual trust.
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