How do I deal with a 9-year-old friend of my son whose parents say that forgiveness is stupid? I do not want to impose, but at the same time, I am very sad for this child who likely is getting incorrect information about forgiveness.
It has been my experience that when people are adamantly opposed to forgiving, they always and without exception have a misunderstanding about what it actually is. It seems obvious to me that the friend of your son has discussed forgiveness with you, given that he shared his parents’ views on the matter. When forgiveness comes up again, you could gently ask this: “What do you think forgiveness is?” Be sure to explain what it is not. It is not caving into the injustices of the person who is acting unfairly. The forgiver may or may not reconcile. Try to explain that forgiving is the free will act of being good to those who are not good to the forgiver, without automatically reconciling if the other person continues with hurtful behavior. Having a conversation with the child’s parents about what forgiveness is and is not would be even better if the opportunity is available.
