My brother is an angry person. I say that because I have been able to observe him over the years. The frustrating thing is that he suppresses his anger and claims that he is not angry. This leads him, whenever he is treated badly by others, to proclaim that he has no anger and therefore no need to forgive. He then lives with subconscious resentment, and he does not allow himself to be set free through forgiveness. What do you recommend?
The psychological defense of suppression can be difficult to overcome because it tends to hide the actual internal challenges a person faces. Yet, if your brother truly has been mistreated by others and is suppressing his anger, it is not that he has no anger. Instead, he is angry but not acknowledging it. Often, people suppress anger because they fear it. They fear that there is no cure for the anger. I suggest you have some gentle, clear conversations with your brother about forgiveness in general, not focused on him. State the scientific evidence that forgiveness can reduce unhealthy anger if given sufficient time to forgive, with a clear understanding of what forgiveness is. This could lead your brother not to fear the anger and eventually to let down the defense of suppression. A key issue then is to help your brother understand deeply what forgiveness is and is not (he won’t be excusing the other’s behavior) and to provide an empirically supported pathway to forgiveness.
