If people are in denial about the depth of their anger, will they need help (feedback) from others to overcome it?
Feedback might help to overcome the denial, but this will depend on how the feedback is given. For example, if the feedback is presented in an accusatory way, the person in denial might continue to deny the depth of the anger, concluding that the person giving the feedback is harsh and temperamental. If the feedback is gentle and loving, this still may take time for the one in denial to bring the level of anger to consciousness. In other words, patience and gentle persistence may be effective in the long run. Another approach might be this: Instead of focusing first on the anger, a person giving feedback might shift the focus to the denying person’s inner world and whether or not the person is feeling disrupted, anxious, or unhappy. If the one who is denying can see one’s own inner pain (rather than the anger), this might motivate this person to answer the question, “What might be a primary cause of your inner disruption or unhappiness?” The cause could be unjust treatment by others that was never resolved internally by the one who was angry. Seeing the connection between past injustices and current unhappiness could open the door to the realization that the injustices have caused unhealthy anger that now is responsible for the internal disruption, anxiety, and unhappiness. Once that anger is uncovered (no longer denied), the person might be open to trying forgiveness as a way of dealing constructively with the injustice, the anger, and the resulting unhappiness.
