Tagged: “break free from the past”
Don’t you think that forgiveness can be dangerous? After all, it asks so much of the victims, who already are hurt by the unfairness experienced. Why should victims now have to do all the work?
If someone breaks your leg, is it inappropriate for you, the victim, to go to the emergency room, endure surgery, and struggle with the physical rehab? It is the same with forgiving. If someone breaks your heart it is reasonable to do the emotional heart surgery that is forgiving.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.
Can I forgive two people at a time, or is the focus usually on only one person who acts unfairly?
You certainly can forgive two or more people if both were involved in the one incident in which there was injustice toward you. If the two people hurt you in two entirely different situations, then you could forgive each one separately, one at a time. You also can forgive a group of people if this group was unjust to you. Groups as a whole can engage in unjust actions and so your forgiving the entire group, even though more abstract than forgiving one person at a time, is reasonable to do, if you so choose.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
I have been raised in such a way that forgiveness is not the best resolution when there are problems. Standing up for what I believe in is the solution. What do you think?
I think that standing up for one’s beliefs is good. Yet, by itself, this likely will not help you to heal from built-up resentments that could last a very long time. In other words, why focus on only one approach, in this case standing up for your own beliefs? Why not expand your options by forgiving and standing up for your beliefs. Even if this standing up does not solve the problem, at least then you have solved another problem, that of resentment which can be unhealthy for you and for your loved ones.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.
You talk about what you call the “global perspective” in your book, Forgiveness Is a Choice. I am having trouble understanding what this is. Would you please clarify?
A global perspective asks the forgiver to go beyond concrete specifics of the offending behavior and to view the person who offended in a larger context than those behaviors. For example, in taking a global perspective the forgiver is asked to see what is shared in common with the other person. They both need air to breathe; they both have bodies that need nutrition; each will die some day. The point is to help the forgiver see a common humanity between the two, not because of what the other did, but in spite of this.
Take the Long Perspective When It Is Difficult to Forgive
Think about one time in your childhood when you had what seemed to be a serious disagreement with a friend. At the time, did it seem like this breach would last forever? Did it? How long did it take to either reconcile or to find a new friend? Time has a way of changing our circumstances. This is not to advocate a kind of passive approach to life here—such as, “Oh, I’ll just wait it out and not bother to exert any effort.” That is not the point. The point is to take a long perspective so that you can see beyond the next hill to a place that is more settled and the pain is not so great. You already saw in your childhood that conflicts end. And the consequences of those conflicts (feeling sad or angry) also end. Why should that same process of change not also apply now? Try to see your circumstance, as realistically as you can, one month from now. Try to see your circumstance six months from now. Try to see yourself two years from now. Will you be the same person? Will you respond to injustices in the exact same way as you did three months ago? Probably not. You will likely be able to meet challenges with greater strength and wisdom as you continue on the forgiveness journey.
Enright, Robert. 8 Keys to Forgiveness (8 Keys to Mental Health) . W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
