I spent many months forgiving my boss from my previous employment. It was hard. I now have to start forgiving my romantic partner and I find it difficult. I have what is called “classical conditioning” in that as I start to forgive my partner, it brings up all kinds of feelings of pain from what I went through with my boss. Can you offer some advice so that I can move forward with forgiving my romantic partner?
As one point of encouragement, please keep in mind that you know the pathway of forgiving, you have walked it, and you have done so successfully. There are two sources of pain for you right now: a) your partner’s unjust behavior and b) the classical condition of pain from what you experienced when forgiving your boss. I urge you to try to do what we call “bear the pain” when the past emerges in your heart regarding your boss. Treat this as its own path of new pain for you. Try to stand in this pain, with a sense of triumph because of the past successful forgiving. Be gentle with yourself as you also willingly “bear the pain” from the injustices by your partner. Please keep in mind that as you willingly bear these two sources of pain, there is a tendency for the pain to slowly reduce and improve substantially, as based on our research on the process of forgiveness.
