My dictionary gives this definition of forgiving: “to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.” What is your response to people who tell you that they don’t agree with your definition of forgiveness, which encompasses both positive and negative aspects of emotions, cognition, and behaviors toward those who have treated you unjustly?
If forgiveness is a moral virtue, what does the word “to forgive” entail? It cannot be both a moral virtue and only thought control to aid oneself. This is because no other moral virtue is exclusively about oneself. Virtues flow from one person to others for their good. If we insist that forgiveness is not a moral virtue, then it is imperative that those so insisting tell us what it is (and break with about 3,500 years of thinking on this matter). If I only cease with resentment, then I can demonstrate tolerance and cease to resent. I can demonstrate indifference and cease to resent. So, how can we distinguish forgiveness from these other ideas? We do so by defining it in such a way as to honor the “moral virtue” aspect of forgiveness. All moral virtues involve goodness toward others. What is the goodness that forgiveness offers? When a person forgives, that forgiver deliberately offers the goodness of understanding, kindness, respect, generosity, and even love toward the offender. Of course, people need not completely fulfill this definition to be forgiving. We all fall short of perfection in expressing any virtue. Our human imperfections do not invalidate what forgiveness is.
