You make the point that angry parents can transfer that anger and suffering onto their unsuspecting children. My own mother was physically abused as a child. She was determined not to pass that to her children and so I can truly say that I was not physically abused as a child. Yet, without meaning to do so, my own dear mother passed temper tantrums to us instead. I think it was an extension of the physical abuse in the form of unresolved anger. I now want to make a commitment not to pass these temper tantrums to my own children. Yet, what if I pass another form of stress to my children, such as repression of anger where I and then they keep their anger bottled up inside, which could lead to depression? How do I avoid this?
Half the battle is to be aware, as you are, that you can pass a form of stress to your children. As you currently are aware, this could be overt and behavioral, such as temper tantrums, or more subtle, as in the form of the psychological defense mechanism of repression. Your being aware of these possibilities is important. The other half of the equation is to commit to behaviorally avoiding the tantrums and cognitively being aware of the possibility of passing unhealthy and sustained psychological defenses to your children. Try to introspect in a temperate way so that you see what is still left over for you from your childhood and then work to avoid establishing patterns, based on the leftover stress, toward your own children.
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