Every time I try to correct my partner for his harsh tone, he gets even angrier. What frustrates me is this: I am not doing anything wrong when he does the yelling. It is as if he is angry with someone or something else and I become the innocent victim. What advice do you have for me on this?
Your partner seems to be using the psychological defense of displacement in which he takes out his anger on you even though he is angry with another person or situation. When he is in a calmer state, you might gently ask him if he is carrying a burden in his heart that is in need of healing. The burden, please keep in mind, could be from many years ago when he was a child. Your examining, together, his past wounds may uncover the injustices he has faced and the resultant anger that is being displaced onto you. If you can uncover these past challenges, then you might suggest that he forgive those people who treated him unjustly so that both of you are freed from the unpleasant consequences of the unjust treatment.
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