If my reason for beginning the process of forgiveness is to feel better, without even a thought toward the one who hurt me, is this being selfish? Will this kind of initial attitude in the forgiveness process hinder my progress in forgiving?
Let us distinguish what forgiveness is and one’s motivation to forgive. What it is and why people forgive can be different, especially at the beginning of the forgiveness journey. In my experience, emotional pain is a strong motivator to forgive. This is self-interest rather than selfishness. As an analogy, if you suffer a knee injury while running, is it selfish to seek medical help? There is self-interest to heal the knee, but this is not selfish. It is the same with forgiveness. When deeply hurt by another person, the forgiver can be motivated to begin the forgiveness journey to feel better. Yet, in the forgiving process, the forgiver slowly begins to focus on the one who behaved badly and tries to be good to that person, even to a small degree. In other words, forgiving accurately is not a focus on the self but on the other person for the other person’s good. This certainly is not selfish.
