At what point is forgiveness necessary? In other words, I can let a lot of injustices go as I move on or forget about them. So, how can I tell when to begin forgiving rather than simply letting things go? And when is it better to act—to defend your rights—than to extend forgiveness?
The word “necessary” has at least two meanings when you question, “At what point is forgiveness necessary?” The first connotation focuses on the need to cultivate forgiveness because it is morally right to do so. The term “necessary” has a second meaning that is focused on your health and well-being.
Let’s begin with the first meaning. Given that forgiveness is a virtue and that practicing it is always beneficial (when balanced with other virtues), it follows that it is important, if you so choose, to extend forgiveness whenever you are the target of unfair treatment. Is it necessary in this case? Yes, if your objective is to develop into a more moral person (for instance, becoming more good and loving). From a societal perspective, is it required—that is, demanded? No, forgiveness is not “necessary” in the sense that you have to extend it or risk punishment because society does not demand it.
Let’s now concentrate on the second definition of “necessary,” which is the situation in which your health might be at risk. It is time to forgive if you are experiencing resentment and intense anger that is beginning to negatively impact your energy levels, focus, and happiness (even somewhat). Is it necessary? Yes, for both physical and mental well-being, especially when you have tried everything else under the sun to heal and you still are feeling quite compromised. Forgiveness is the best way to deal with the internal disruption that can come after unfair treatment.
Justice and forgiveness are dichotomized in your last question. It appears that you believe you must choose between justice and forgiveness. Both may and should be exercised simultaneously. For instance, correct someone who has shown you insensitivity and show forgiveness. If you forgive the person, the correction will probably be kinder than if you confront him in a state of intense anger.