From a rational standpoint, I am aware that everyone is deserving of forgiveness. However, I occasionally feel badly about forgiving someone, especially if I think he doesn’t deserve it. I simply can’t get rid of the feeling that he doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. In other words, it is too simple to justify this by claiming that everyone deserves forgiveness. In my heart, the guilt upon forgiving annoys me. What would you recommend?

Let us distinguish between two crucial interpretations of the word “deserve.”  That word has two meanings: a broad meaning and a narrow one.

Let’s start by concentrating on the general idea. By using the term “deserve,” you may be implying that because all people are unique, valuable, and irreplaceable, they all “deserve” to be treated with mercy at some point in their life.

Second, let’s go on to the word’s more specific connotation, which focuses on the injustice that was done to you. We can say, “I believe that this person does not deserve my forgiveness because he betrayed me (disrespected, robbed, or whatever is a serious injustice).” You are 100% right in this second usage of the term “deserve.” The individual does not “deserve” your forgiveness because of what he did to you. Are you aware of why? It is because instead of using a phrase that implies mercy, you are choosing a term that implies justice (“deserve”).

Mercy, not justice, is at the heart of forgiveness.  In other words, the offending person cannot say, “I have a right to your forgiveness.  You are being unjust to me in withholding forgiveness.”  It would be unfair to you for the person to demand forgiveness from you to which you must assent. You are free to forgive him whenever you want.

Try to keep in mind two things when you are unsure if someone deserves your forgiveness or not:

1) Because we are all human beings and because we are all unique, valuable, and irreplaceable, we all deserve mercy at least some of the time. If you are not prepared to offer forgiveness, this does not imply that you must show the mercy of forgiveness to everyone on every occasion. You might change your mind later and forgive.

2) In the second, more specific sense of the term forgiveness, no one is literally deserving of mercy because to deserve here means to exercise the moral virtue of justice, not mercy.  Make an effort to recognize that your forgiveness is not in the area of justice, where there are rights, earnings, absolute obligations, and deservingness. Change your perspective and recognize forgiveness as a voluntary act of kindness and love when you are ready. This could ease your guilt and let you go forward with forgiveness.

Please follow and like us:
author avatar
directorifi
Categories: Ask Dr. ForgivenessTags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *