We have one family member who is way too challenging, and everyone is mad at him. I have forgiven him and have stated that to the other family members. Now I have a new problem. My other family members are upset with me because I have forgiven. “How can you do this, given what he has done?” is a typical statement directed at me. I wonder what you think about this and how I should respond.
In my experience, if a person has a particular attitude about forgiveness, then this person can get upset when others have a different attitude. This can include people getting upset at forgivers or, in contrast, getting upset at those who will not forgive. In your case, others do not want to forgive, and you do. Therefore, there is conflict. It could be the reverse in other circumstances. For example, if you would not forgive and everyone else would, then they might be upset with you for withholding your forgiveness.
We need to work on being tolerant and patient with family members who disagree with us about forgiveness attitudes and decisions. Because forgiveness is each person’s choice, it is up to each person whether or not forgiveness will be offered now. This is one of the keys to understanding what forgiveness is and how we deal with forgiving. Yes, you can gently suggest forgiveness to others, but you have to be careful not to be overbearing because a “no” to forgiveness today does not mean that this will still be the case, for example, in three months.
I recommend that you show this response to your family members. Let them see how typical it is for people to want everyone else to agree with them. Let them see that, because of each person’s free will, it is important not to pressure others to hold our own view.
As a final point, if people continue to be negative toward you for your forgiving, I recommend that you work on forgiving all who have been unkind to you about this.