I recently consulted three different dictionaries on the definition of the word “forgive.” The themes were reducing resentment, ceasing to blame, and absolving a debt. Do you agree with these definitions of forgiveness?
No, actually, I do not. Regarding “reducing resentment,” people can reduce resentment because they think the other person is not worth the effort or maybe is not quite human. In other words, in condemning the other, the one who supposedly “forgives” feels better, but there is no sense of moral virtue in such responses. Regarding “ceasing to blame,” when one forgives, one continues to know that what happened was wrong, is wrong, and always will be wrong. What changes is one’s response toward the other person, which becomes more merciful and more compassionate. One can stop criticizing the other, but the idea that the other did wrong remains. Regarding “absolving a debt,” when one absolves someone else from payment, this is more an issue of legal pardon than forgiveness and these are quite different. One can absolve the other from payment and still loathe the other, which is not forgiveness because there is no sense of seeing the inherent worth in the other. One can absolve a debt and be quite neutral to the other as a person. In conclusion, all three dictionaries are handing out incorrect information about what forgiveness is.