Thank you for your recent reply to my question about dictionary “definitions” of forgiveness.  I put that word in quotation marks because, from your thoughtful response, I don’t think they are definitions of forgiveness at all.  Here is another question I have: I then consulted a thesaurus for the word forgave.  The website said that the “strongest matches” are the words condone and excuse.  I now am wondering what your response is to this.

Thank you for your follow-up question.  Actually, to condone or excuse are distortions of what the word “forgave” means.  When we forgive other people, we focus on them as persons and not on the unjust actions themselves.  In other words, as we forgive, we do not say that what happened is all right or acceptable or worthy of not judging the actions as wrong.  Those actions should not be overlooked, but a new stance toward the person who engaged in the actions is the key.  Why should we not overlook the unjust behaviors?  It is because the person who engaged in them should strive to change the unjust behaviors.  If we overlook those actions in the name of a false forgiveness, the person might consider perpetrating unhealthy behaviors within your relationship.  In other words, the person might misinterpret your response as saying that you think the unjust behaviors are fine.  When you forgive, you call the behavior wrong, you do not condone or excuse, and you strive, out of a sense of mercy, to be good to the one whose behavior was not good for you.  Forgiveness then can be combined with justice, in which you ask the person to change the unacceptable behavior.

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directorifi
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