If I do not meet the full definition of forgiveness in my forgiving life, have I failed at forgiveness? In other words, if I do not get to the positive side of forgiveness and do not have benevolence toward the one who hurt me, am I a failure at forgiving?
The ancient Greek philosopher stated that none of us reaches perfection in the expression of any moral virtue, and so this would include forgiveness. The late Louis Smedes in his 1984 book, Forgive and Forget, states the same thing. He said that we are all imperfect forgivers. Therefore, in our forgiveness journeys, we do not right away feel compassion toward the other or have positive thoughts about the person. These take time. If you have done the work of the forgiveness process and have reduced negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward those who have been unfair to you, please note that you have made considerable progress. You can feel free to choose continuing on the forgiven pathway if you want to go deeper in this moral virtue.
