We Have Created a Diversion Toward Forgiveness
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The 17th-century philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote importantly about what he called “diversion,” meaning that people have a tendency to distract themselves from important ideas and actions. I have come to see that forgiveness is one of the central moral virtues that has been a victim of diversion. As we continue to ignore forgiveness as an integral part of our lives, there are these possible consequences:
Not Discussing Forgiveness
When was the last time you sat down with others to discuss forgiveness? I suspect the answer for many people is “I can’t remember” or “I don’t think I have done this.” In contrast, the moral virtue of justice is ever before us, and we discuss it, perhaps even unaware that we are doing so, as we, for example, talk about what is fair in our communities or which political positions are fairest.
Not Accurately Understanding Forgiveness
When we do not discuss forgiveness, we do not give ourselves the important opportunity to deeply understand it. We might, for example, equate forgiving with “just moving on” or “forgetting about the whole thing.” Such ideas do not capture the richness of forgiveness as a moral virtue in which the forgiver willingly tries to be good to those who are not good to the forgiver. This understanding can take time and effort because forgiveness is a paradox—the giving to those who have been unjust.
Not Practicing Forgiveness Diligently
As forgiveness is set aside in discussions, there may be a tendency to set it aside in practice, when we are hurt by others’ actions. As Aristotle reminded us, we tend to grow in moral virtues the more we practice them. If we do not have forgiveness on our radar and others around us are not encouraging us to forgive, we may look for other ways to respond to injustices, such as seeking only a fair solution, even when fuming with anger. Even here, if a person focuses exclusively on justice while fuming inside, that justice-seeking could become intemperate as the justice-seeker blends some revenge with the quest for fairness.
Not Bringing Forgiveness into One’s Family and Community
If we do not discuss, understand, or practice forgiveness, there may be an unfortunate tendency not to pass this important moral virtue on to children in families. In other words, the children will not be prepared to forgive others when the storms of injustice within adulthood arise. Think about a scenario in which a child rarely hears about forgiveness and now, as a 35-year-old, is suddenly abandoned by a long-time partner. The emotional pain of this could be eased by taking the time to forgive accurately and well. If the 35-year-old has not had the opportunity to know and practice forgiveness, this person will have to learn about forgiveness now, within the swirling context of a complex adulthood where there are bills to pay, employment to fulfill, and perhaps children to raise. Would it not be better if this person, as a 6-year-old, and 10-year-old, and 15-year-old was introduced to forgiveness so that this could have been carried into adulthood for the person’s good and the good of the family?
In Conclusion
How has it happened that forgiveness has become hidden in families, schools, local communities, and larger societies? What can be done to reverse this unfortunate situation? First, we must recognize the truth of this. Forgiveness has been ignored, set aside, too often, and in too many world communities. Then we need a plan to awaken forgiveness in minds and hearts and relationships by showing what it is, what it accomplishes, and its importance in human interactions. We then need a way to keep forgiveness going so that it does not fade out, so that forgiveness takes its rightful place along with other moral virtues such as justice, respect, and kindness. Doing so may be a significant protection for the hearts, minds, and relationships of those wounded by others’ cruelty. We need to start dismantling the destructive ways of diversion away from forgiveness so it can live consistently and abidingly in our hearts and communities.
