How can I help others learn to suffer well when they are treated badly? I am concerned because, if I open up a heart-wound in a friend by talking about suffering well through forgiveness, how can I help close the wound in the heart so that he does not emotionally bleed to the point of an emergency?
I recommend the following six approaches: 1) Be sure you are very clear about what forgiveness is and is not. Too often, people reject forgiveness because they misunderstand it, equating it with “just letting it go” or “just moving on.” Be sure the person sees that forgiveness is a moral virtue in which he willingly tries to be merciful to the other without excusing or abandoning justice; 2) Give him time to reflect on what forgiveness is and is not, and to make an informed, free-will decision to move forward with forgiveness; 3) If he decides to try forgiveness, start with a person who was only a little unjust, toward whom your friend has some annoyance, but not frothing hatred; 4) # 3 could take some time if your friend is unfamiliar with the forgiveness process; 5) After #4 is completed, ask if he wants to continue. If so, then have him choose another less serious case of injustice and forgive that person; 6) Over time, as he becomes more proficient at forgiving, he should be able to forgive the person who has deeply wounded his heart because he knows the forgiveness pathway and has practiced it.
