At the start of our relationship, my girlfriend was quite abusive for a long period, emotionally, verbally, and once physically. I supported her through it and her difficult self-healing process. I was unaware that to stay with her, I had erected barriers of deep anger and self-preservation. I began to vent my anger on her, and I probably also emotionally abused her for several months. However, I’ve since come to terms with it and started going to counseling to deal with my resentment toward her. Although she has made the decision to end the relationship, I believe we can work things out. How can we both forgive one another and move on? I know our relationship can be repaired.

It is difficult for me to learn about your partner’s past without speaking with her. I have a suspicion that she was subjected to considerably unfair treatment in her past. She should consider first examining this and, if she is willing, extend forgiveness to those who were or continue to be unfair to her. Her trust appears to have been damaged, possibly as a result of previous injustices. If she can recognize and address previous abuses and then forgive those who offended, your relationship has a good chance of healing. When the time comes for you both to forgive one another, she will have discovered the way to do so. When it’s time for you two to work together, I suggest reading Chapter 13 of the book The Forgiving Life.

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