Forgiveness strikes me as illegitimate. Here I am angry with a person, and so I start acting toward him as if all is well. That seems phony to me.
You are misunderstanding what forgiveness is. It is not about only actions toward the person at whom you are angry. Forgiveness is a more holistic moral virtue than this in that it includes a transformation toward more positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward that person. When you act in a forgiving way, the more holistic approach includes both a softened heart with compassion as well as thoughts toward the person as someone of worth, not because of what was done but in spite of this. The behavior toward that person then includes these feelings and thoughts so that the behavior is not superficial or, as you say, phony.
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