Forgive and forget. I hear this so often. Do we forget when we forgive? If so, then how can we prevent the recurrence of others’ unjust behavior?
In my experience with helping people to forgive, I do not see that people literally forget what happened to them. Instead, I use the expression that people begin to “remember in new ways.” This is what I mean: The forgiver does recall the unjust behavior so that it does not keep occurring. Yet, in recalling what happened, the forgiver is not filled with dread or deep anger as may have occurred prior to forgiving. To remember in new ways is to protect the self from others’ harm without doing recurring inner harm to the self through intense and ongoing anger.
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