I can understand my uncle’s pain, but I find it difficult to empathize with him—that is, to put myself in his position and experience what it’s like to be him. Without empathy, will I ever be able to feel compassion for him?
Not being able to empathize with your uncle today does not mean you will never be able to do this. Empathy can open the door to compassion. Sympathy, or feeling sorry for him, also may be such a door to the eventual development of compassion. Yet, as you are seeing, empathy is the deeper, more challenging perspective compared with sympathy. Here are some questions that might help you with empathy toward your uncle: Was your uncle hurt by others some time in the past? How deeply was he hurt? Is he still carrying those wounds? Can you see your uncle’s struggles in life? Your answers may induce a greater empathy for him as you see his wounds from his perspective. Such insights should not lead you to excuse his behavior. You can cultivate these new perspectives, knowing that what your uncle did was wrong, is wrong, and always will be wrong.
